Social Craving
Since the pandemic began, many people have only seen their friends and family on video calls or at a distance. While seeing others at a safe distance or on video may help, it is not a perfect substitute for being with others in person. And, with the upcoming holiday season, we are probably a little more frustrated than usual that we won't be able to be with our loved ones and friends. If you feel this way, new research indicates that our reaction may be more than just a psychological one, but may actually be biological, too.
Researchers from MIT explored if forced separation, like what is required during the pandemic, would provoke a "want" or "craving" for social interactions (Tomova et al., 2020). This research is supported by decades of research showing that positive social interactions are a basic human need analogous to other drives, like the need for food or sleep (Baumeister et al., 1995; Hiura et al., 2018).
The MIT researchers' methodology was to isolate participants and also have them fast for 10 hours. After the 10 hours, the researchers used magnetic resonance imaging to determine how the brain regions reacted to two photos: 1) people having fun with others, and 2) a picture of cheesy pasta. The images of the brain showed that the same brain regions were activated under both conditions. These results indicate that social isolation causes social craving, similar to how fasting causes hunger (Tomova et al.,2020).
Intuitively, the findings from this study make sense. We are social animals. We know from an abundance of research that social interactions act as a primary reward and are inherently pleasurable and motivate behavior (Baumeister et al., 1995; Hiura et al., 2018).
How can we use this information to help us navigate our "social cravings," especially during the holiday season? One way to minimize our social cravings is to focus on building deeper and higher-quality relationships with a smaller group of people. This might start with a focus on those living in the same household. This is especially important because we may have fallen into predictable and monotonous routines at home, routines that do not enhance positive, supportive relationships. Here are a few ideas for you to consider in deepening these relationships:
Set a regular time for an open dialogue with no plan. Be prepared to listen and be open to hearing what's on everyone's mind. Give each person a chance to express their hopes and dreams as well as their fears and disappointments. Having the ability to openly discuss what's on everyone's mind will build trust and provide a starting place for moving forward.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable. If others are less open about their feelings, you may want to start with yours. Once you take a leadership role in expressing your hopes and dreams and your fears and concerns, you may find that others are more willing to step forward to share theirs.
Plan things you can look forward to. One way to begin is to brainstorm with your household on what they really enjoy doing and miss doing since the pandemic. Then see if those activities can be modified so that you can still do them somehow. Having something to look forward to is critically important during times like these. You might also even start a “dream list” of things you want to do once the restrictions are lifted from the pandemic.
Shake up your routine. If you and your family are in a rut, find ways to do things differently. Perhaps you can redistribute tasks among members of your family. An example might be rotating meal planning, preparation, and clean-up duties.
Living alone. If you live alone, you may want to reflect on who comprises your “inner circle” of close contacts. Once you have those people in mind, take a moment to consider how you can build deeper and higher-quality relationships. The first step might be thinking about how you can be a better friend or family member to them. This may be especially important if those individuals are living alone as well. Once you have a clear idea of who these individuals are, find time to connect with them virtually to discuss how you can become even closer.
Even though it looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we cannot let up our guard, even if we are experiencing intense “social cravings”. Our mindfulness practice gives us the power to pause before reacting and allows us to share our emotions without judgment. So, when you get that urge to respond and do something that puts you and others at risk, take a moment to reflect on what is best for you and the other person. You may decide there is an alternative to giving in to this craving.
References
Baumeister, R. F. & Leary, M. R. The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychol. Bull. 117, 497–529 (1995).
Hiura, L. C., Tan, L. & Hackenberg, T. D. To free, or not to free: social reinforcement effects in the social release paradigm with rats. Behav. Process.152, 37–46 (2018).
Tomova, L., Wang, K. L., Thompson, T., Matthews, G. A., Takahashi, A., Tye, K. M., & Saxe, R. (2020). Acute social isolation evokes midbrain craving responses similar to hunger. Nature Neuroscience, 23(12), 1597-1605.