Overhaul Your Relationships
Spring cleaning is about ensuring we are set up for success by getting rid of things that no longer serve us and keep us from moving forward. What gives us meaning and purpose in our lives are the relationships we have with others. Positive relationships build us up and promote positive thinking and love for ourselves. However, some relationships are no longer supportive or nourishing. Some may be draining or even toxic. Not all relationships are meant to be forever. Some might be meant to be short-term, situational, or need to change. To fully embrace a fresh start requires us to look at all of our relationships and make intentional choices. Life is too short to spend time with people that don’t build you up and make you happy.
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Social Media
Social media can prompt a lot of negative emotions. If you find this is true for you, take some time to evaluate your social media accounts. Think about unfollowing people with negative messages. Unfollowing people who project negative energy can significantly reduce your anxiety and unwanted feelings. This will free you up to create more space for positivity and people that make you feel good.
Real Life
Consider people you spend a lot of time with. Do they make you happy? Do they treat you with respect? Do they build you up? Do they encourage you to grow and bring out the best in you? Make you better? If the answer to any of these questions is no, consider if that person’s role in your life should change. Maybe that means reducing the amount of time spent together or discussing how to evolve the relationship with that friend.
Whether it’s on social media or in real life, removing yourself from the influence of toxic people will free up tremendous mental space and increase your happiness by eliminating tons of negativity from your life.
Here are some action ideas to consider:
Digital Relationships. Go through Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat, and any other social media you are using. Remove or unfollow people you don’t remember meeting or those who post annoying and harmful stuff. Leave or mute groups that are no longer relevant to you. Consider developing a plan to limit your time on social media, so it does not consume a lot of your mental and emotional energy. That plan might include turning off notifications and restricting the number of times you check-in each day.
Real-Life Relationships. Make a list of the people you spend the most time with (family, friends, colleagues) and ask yourself the following questions to determine if they are energy replenishing or diminishing:
Am I excited to see this person when we meet up?
How does this person treat me? Do they respect my time, talk behind my back, listen to me, and not just talk about themselves?
Does my relationship with the person support me? For example, do they understand my goals? Do our activities together fit the type of life I want to have? Does a relationship with this person force me to make compromises that are not good for me?
Does a relationship with the person inspire me to learn and grow? Do they give me honest feedback and hold me accountable for goals I have set for myself?
As you reflect on these questions, remember that we are a composite of the people we hang out with. So, make sure that your friends, colleagues, and even family members reflect your aspirations, lifestyle, and mindset. While we can’t always choose who we work with or our family members, we can decide how much they influence us.
Lighten the Load
An important part of Spring cleaning is reflecting on the burden we carry from another person who has hurt or caused us pain. Learning to forgive is a process and is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself. When you forgive, you are not acknowledging that what this person did was right; it simply means that you are no longer willing to carry the burden of their misdeed. If this is something that resonates with you, take a few minutes to listen to the audio practice below. Once you have released this burden, you may find that you will be lighter and energized, and ready for positive, supportive relationships.
Is that voice in your head a friend or foe?
Most of us have a running conversation going on in our heads. And, frequently, it’s a one-way conversation where our inner voice reminds us of our mistakes, discouraging us from trying something new and telling us not to aim so high. While the tendency might be to try to silence this voice, you may find that approach will only last for a short time, and undoubtedly the voice will return, sometimes even more vital, pointing out, “See, I was right. You can’t do that. I knew it!”. Please take an opportunity to assess the messages that frequently circulate in your head and learn how to clean up those negative messages that pull you down and keep you from achieving your dreams. Here’s an audio exercise that might help.
Some relationships are restorative, and others are draining. Taking time to evaluate and intentionally choose what types of relationships are good for us and which are not, is essential to living a high-quality life.