Three Pillars of Kindness
When asked, most of us would say that we want to be kind. And it is something we value in others. In Western society, we appreciate kindness in others even more than honesty, gratitude, or hope (Karris & Craighead, 2012). Furthermore, when parents are asked what they wish for their children, “being good or kind” is consistently identified as a top trait (Seligman et al., 2009).
Definition of Kindness
Researchers say children see kindness as emotional or physical support that helps build or maintain relationships (Binfet et al., 2021). From an adult perspective, there is a wide range of definitions spanning from character strengths to favors and good deeds for others. For this discussion, kindness is defined as a combination of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that benefit others or make others happy (Kerr et al., 2014). To be kind involves having a deep concern and sensitivity for others and reflects an appreciation of the dignity of every human being.
THREE PILLARS OF KINDNESS
Adapted from Malti (2021)
Kindness is a multi-dimensional concept and can be expressed through feelings, thoughts, and actions. Kindness requires us to have a particular type of self-awareness, self-knowledge, and an open mindset that allows us to see our shared humanity and similarities. The paradox is that we can see how we are both alike and how we are special and unique.
Kind Feelings
Kind feelings refer to other-oriented emotions such as sympathy, empathy, and respect (Malti & Ongley, 2014). To live a life with love and kindness requires us to hone emotions that allow us to connect with others in a non-judgmental and genuine way.
Kind Thoughts
Just like kind feelings, kind thoughts can be other-oriented as well. This includes having the capability to take the perspective of others; in other words, the ability to step into someone else’s shoes. It also means being aware of the inner voice that is often critical of ourselves and others.
Kind Actions
The final pillar of kindness is kind actions. It is not enough to feel empathic for others or think kind thoughts. To make a difference in others’ lives, we need to do something valued by others. Those actions might include other-oriented activities such as helping, sharing, and comforting others.
BENEFITS OF KINDNESS
There is a strong link between kindness and well-being (Paviglianiti and Irwin, 2017).
Boosts feelings of self-esteem when engaging in acts of kindness (Shillington et al., 2021).
It benefits both the giver and the receiver. Some studies show that acts of kindness help the person performing the act more than the receiver, possibly because the recipients do not feel more like a good person or competent after receiving kind acts. They may even feel indebted (Fritz & Lyubomirsky, 2018).
Volunteering has been linked to reducing loneliness (Carr et al., 2018).
A large-scale longitudinal study showed that people who volunteer experienced a 22% reduction in mortality risk compared to non-volunteers (Jenkinson et al., 2013).
A randomized study where participants performed acts of kindness over four weeks showed significant reductions in proinflammatory gene expression profiles (Nelson-Coffey et al., 2017).
Higher levels of life satisfaction (Datu & Bernardo,2020)
Kindness leads to more optimism (Kerr et al., 2014)
Linked positive interpersonal relationships (Layous et al., 2012).
Over the next month, our blogs will explore the multi-dimensions of kindness and provide you with ideas on how you can make February a month of kindness that will last all year. For information on how you can participate daily in our Kindness Challenge, please follow us on Facebook or Instagram.