Are You a Worrier?
Many of us find that worrying is taking over our lives. It’s understandable. There seems to be a lot to worry about these days. However, not all worry is harmful and damaging. Psychologists who study the concept of worry think about it in two categories: maladaptive and adaptive. Maladaptive worry involves having negative, reoccurring thoughts about the future with no resolution, plan, or decision and has been linked to a wide range of negative mental and physical consequences.
On the other hand, adaptive worry, also known as planning, has been linked to improving our overall well-being. It turns unspecific, abstract thoughts into specific issues and concerns. From a place of specificity, we can solve problems and develop plans that provide the pathway to feeling more in control over future events. Doing this releases much of our stress and anxiety.
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How to Move Away from Maladaptive Worry
When you notice negative, recurring thoughts circulating in your mind, “push pause” and try this four-step exercise. It may be just what you need to prevent or shorten your time having these negative, unproductive thoughts.
Step One: Acknowledge your thoughts.
When you notice that you are replaying the same messages repeatedly in your head, take a moment and “push pause” on those thoughts. While they are on pause, see if you can look at them objectively.
You might ask yourself what is based on fact, what is based on previous fears and experiences, and which ones are destructive.
Take a moment to write them down with curiosity and objectivity. Putting thoughts into words has a way of releasing some of the power they have over us.
Step Two: Identify underlying emotions.
Next, see if you can identify what underlying emotions are attached to these thoughts. This isn’t always easy. These emotions might be driven by wanting control, security, approval, or wanting to run away due to fear. It could even be a combination of all of these.
Pinning down the motivating drivers may help you see why you’re so attached to these thoughts.
Step Three: Accept thoughts without judgment.
Once you’ve acknowledged these thoughts and identified why they have such a hold on you, you can begin to accept them as they are.
Do not judge, alter, analyze, or feel guilty about thinking about them. Accept them unconditionally.
Opposing these thoughts energizes them more.
Step Four: Forgive yourself.
Keep in mind that forgiving is not easy. Our mind takes pleasure from holding on to negativity.
We enjoy feeling right or being a victim of circumstance. Forgiveness is a process. Start small and gentle. It might be something as gentle as silently saying to yourself, “I forgive myself for whatever it is that resulted in me having these thoughts,” or “I forgive the other person or persons for whatever they may have done to cause me this stress and anxiety.” After all, we are all human. We are all doing the very best we can.
Once you feel you’ve “paused” your maladaptive worrying, you might consider turning your attention toward creating a plan for dealing with your real concerns. Even if your planning is simple and continually evolves, putting an action plan around your worries and concerns is a pathway to dealing with the uncertainty of the future and increasing your feelings of control.